Brugal - Dominican Republic - A

There are three island countries in the Caribbean that speak Spanish, yet rum (ron en espanol) is often most identified with Spanish speaking islands (in large part thanks to marketing by Bacardi and Captain Morgan). Dominican rums can be harder to find (though not as hard as Cuban in the US), which is a huge shame because they are certainly among the best. The anejo Brugal bottles come in yellow netting that I’m told makes for games based on trying to liberate the bottle back in the home country. A great rum, particularly for sipping, smooth and serene, sometimes with a distinct but easy flavor.

Captain Morgan - Transnational - D

The premiere ‘spiced’ flavored tourist rum. The rum for people who have no desire to taste rum, but want to stick to artificial additives and a jock sensibility. Plenty processed, this claims to be Puerto Rican, but like some other highly mass produced brands, they’ll throw whatever in from wherever. Great for high school gringos, frat parties, and Cancun resorts, but if you have other non-terrorist options, don’t waste your time. Still, sometimes this is your only safety from falling into Bacardi’s terrorist clutches, and Morgan Silver is good enough for bar mix drinks. Just don’t get caught with this at home if you’re of legal age to drink.

Zacapa - Guatemala - A+

The best rums don’t necessarily come from islands. Actually, many of the best rums come from mainland Central and South America, and Zacapa is at the top of the list. One of the finest, smoothest rums, aged up to over two decades, Zacapa is perfectly choice. It’s the brand that won some awards so many years in a row they had to take it out of competition to give other rums a chance. It’s the rum competitions start with but don’t score, using it instead as a standard. And it’s probably out of your price range. Some of the more aged bottles can be found at a particularly good liquor store near you fetching $50 a piece. Never drink mixed. Sip, don’t shoot. Let breath before trying. Swirl in the glass. Take a sniff. This is rum. Now the downer. Like many rums from troubled countries, it is highly doubtful Licorera Zacapaneca didn’t play a vile role in the more than 30 year war in Guatemala.

Havana Club - Cuban - A+

In some parts of the world, this is simply one of the standards, and estadounidenses bringing Cuban rum back into their country from the rest of the Americas almost exclusively bring this. It's a one of the greatest, with a wonderful and sweet aroma, and a smooth flow. I've probably gone through at least seven bottles of dark HC in my life, and it never gets old. Havana Club has earned a number of Silver and Gold medals, and they're all deserving.

But all of the hoopla does set you up for disappointment, as hype always does, and indeed Havana Club is made different ways for different markets. The best bottles to my mind are safe at sale on the island, and I’ve had some relatively weaker bottles in other countries. But a great bottle of Havana Club is worth the wait, especially Reserva or anejos aged seven to fifteen years (the latter which I've only tasted once). HC also makes golden rums for flexible uses, and silvers for mixing, but whoever goes to the trouble to get the dark bottles should keep it neat or on the rocks for that sweet woodsy flavor. I've actually had the chance to taste almost all of their non-flavored bottles at tastings and from friends bringing it back, and they're all exceptional, so bringing back a bottle of gold rum is acceptable. So next time you head up to Canada for more affordable pharmaceuticals, don't forget to pick up a drug of a different sort to ease your pains (there are liquor stores near the northern border where you can pick it up most easily).

Corporate Hypocrisy

Bacardi has long tried to steal the brand name as a way to cut into Cuba’s revenues from HC. It’s a simple idea- as HC is a standard around the world, millions of consumers would make the mistake and accidentally purchase the Bacardi bottle. But this tactic is usually illegal, which is why there is Arby’s and Hardy’s, Coke and Pepsi, McDonald’s and Burger King, or Kaopectate and Peptobismol. It is basic intellectual property rights 101. And normally, Bacardi is as ideologically neo-liberal and capitalistic as corporations come (which is why they’re willing to finance bombings). But their commitment to free trade stops 93 miles from Florida, and this is another example besides the embargo. Make sure that the US doesn’t accept Cuban trademarks and patents, and create the decoy under the exact brand name. As an anti-capitalist, I shouldn’t be opposed to this in theory, but between the hypocrisy, the fact that it is only one of Bacardi’s tactics, and the fact that HC is made by a state-owned Cuban firm where workers have a far greater say than in almost any other in the rum industry, it isn’t unprincipled to call this tactic criminal.